未分類

哪些方法可以修补破碎的婚姻关系

投稿日:

你一定遇到过不少“人前夫妻”吧?他们在人前表现一副幸福美满的样子,可是一转身却互不理睬,甚至都无话可说,看似亲密却透露着疏离。根据民政局近几年的统计:超过80%的人结婚后“不幸福”,仅仅是因为生活上的琐事。调查显示,婚姻生活中丈夫与妻子对婚姻满意度的感受是存在差异的,总的来说丈夫的婚姻满意度高于妻子。而在有小孩儿的家庭,女性比男人更觉得自己婚姻不幸福,男女幸福满意度差值更高。还有一些夫妻有各种各样的原因导致分居,婚后长期分居的也不在少数,在一些国家,有超过一半的夫妻以离婚收场。如果婚姻无法让你感到幸福,不妨问问自己—-我们的婚姻,为什么会变成这样?大多数人的婚姻远远没有达到幸福的状态,问题出在哪里?我怎么做才能改善这样的情况?许多婚姻起初看来难以挽救,一段时间以后却可以十分美满幸福;不轻易放弃,努力修补婚姻关系,往往会有好的结果。我们会看看有哪些适用的建议和方法。

今天一般人对婚姻的态度是:合则来,不合则去。特别多年轻夫妻在婚姻中一旦遇到问题或矛盾的时候,第一时间想到的不是去解决问题与矛盾,而是选择逃避、冷战。只要自己不痛快了,就直接撂担子,形同陌路、对对方不闻不问,夫妻间的冷暴力对婚姻的危害是不可估量的。现在的人也不能像过去的人那样期望一生一世相守一段婚姻了,许多人也太过于自我,甚至有些太过自私,在婚姻里贪图享受,只在乎个人的感受,完全不顾另一半的感觉,对什么事情都漠然处之,无动于衷,回避接触。把什么事情都装在心里,相互之间没有任何形式的交流与沟通,直到关系结束。另一方面的问题则是出在言语上;两人之间一吵架就翻旧账、抱怨、对骂、挖苦羞辱、贬低对方亲属,这些已经变得习以为常了。确实,人很容易对另一半毫不尊重,一味夸大对方的弱点,优点则视而不见。这种消极的想法可以腐蚀夫妻的关系,最后使婚姻沦为毫无快乐的重担。虽然现在很多人的婚姻最后是以离婚收场,不过,还是有些人一直在婚姻方面努力改善,希望享有幸福的婚姻,接下来我们一起看看可以怎样做应付紧绷的夫妻关系。

彼此欣赏 能缓和紧张的夫妻关系 夫妻双方着眼于对方的优点,并且适时地赞赏对方,他们的关系通常都能得到改善。就算夫妻矛盾十分严重,这样做也非常有效。《感情越轨》一书说:“很多女人容易忽略丈夫在养家方面承受的巨大压力。”在有些地方,就算夫妻双方都有收入,丈夫的压力依然很大。夫妻彼此欣赏是美满婚姻不可缺少的因素。然而,许多夫妻渐渐忽略了配偶的优点,更别提对配偶表示欣赏了。此外,一位婚姻顾问提到,很多向他求助的夫妻“总觉得婚姻中有所欠缺,对已有的幸福却视而不见。他们到我的办公室来,总是抱怨有什么不如意,却很少留意到婚姻中美好的部分。这些夫妻常犯的一个错误,就是他们不懂得欣赏配偶、表达爱意。”婚姻顾问高特曼说:“你不需要同意配偶的每一个观点或每一句话,但是你必须怀着开明的态度,从他的角度去认真考虑 事情。配偶想跟你讨论问题时,要是你总是抱着双臂,边听边摇头,你们的讨论肯定不会有什么结果。就算你只是心里不愿意听,没有明显表现出来,情况也一样。”必须愿意作出牺牲, 一个人如果老是要别人听自己的,想必没有人会喜欢跟他一起生活。因此,夫妻双方都必须愿意为对方付出。婚姻就应该是这样:你让让我,我让让你,不能总要对方让步。” 没错,如果时常把对方的优点忘得一干二净,就会很容易感到不幸福而想要离婚。其实,很多家庭都不致破裂,只要夫妻双方都着眼于对方的优点。 的确,夫妻间彼此欣赏可以巩固婚姻关系。

多多用心称赞对方 有人说,“幸福的婚姻千篇一律,不幸的婚姻各有各的不幸。”这种说法其实并不严谨,幸福的婚姻也各有各的幸福,只是被人为总结为“千篇一律”而已。其实,你放眼去看那些婚姻很幸福的夫妻就会发现,他们的婚姻抛开外在因素来说,之所以会一直幸福,其根本在于两个人对自己对彼此对婚姻都很用心。平常可以多问问自己:“我是不是把伴侣所做的一切都视为理所应当的?”比如,你的丈夫为家里修理东西,你有没有觉得这些小事都是他该做的,就没有感谢他呢?或者,你有没有觉得妻子照顾孩子是她的本分,就没有对她表示赞赏呢? 男人很容易忽略妻子为家庭所做的贡献,比如上班、带孩子和做家务。要定下目标,感谢他(她)为家庭做的每一点努力,不论大事小事都要这样做,因为事实表明,仅仅心怀感激是不够的,还要显出真诚的行动。因为如果夫妻一方不重视对方的努力,婚姻就很容易出现裂痕。因此,要经常把感谢的话说出来,这样做会让彼此更有动力为这个家付出更多努力,而且听到对方真心的称赞心情也会好,家庭气氛也更加和谐。

好的沟通方式 一开始就要注意说话的语气 两个人讨论问题,以什么语气开始,往往就会以什么语气结束。如果你一开始就说话尖酸刻薄,大家就很难和和气气地讨论下去,找到双方都同意的解决方法。许多夫妻都在沟通方面有难题,以致愤恨逐渐在心里积聚起来,最后爆发成为深具破坏性的暴怒。或者夫妻以表面的礼貌将自己的真正感觉掩藏起来,其实在感情上却彼此疏远。。倾吐心事乃是培养亲密关系的一个要诀。部分的难题看来是,男子和女子所用的沟通方式时常不同。大部分女子看来喜欢讨论感觉,男子则一般看来喜欢讨论事实。女子倾向于表现同情和提供感情上的支持,男子则倾向于找寻和提出解决方法。即使如此,只要双方决心“快快地听,慢慢地说,慢慢地动怒”,他们就有可能建立良好的沟通。要保持目光接触,并且真正留心聆听。用体贴的问题探知对方的真正想法。对方向你说出难题之后,与其试图迅速提出解决方法,不如先仔细聆听,然后再设法将问题化解。聆听不光是一种技巧,也是爱的表现。假如你真的关心配偶,要好好聆听她说话就不会那么难,甚至是很自然的事了。留心倾听是建立和维系任何亲密关系所不可或缺的。就算对方的意见或对事情的反应跟你不同时,你也不要只关心自己的感觉,也要顾及对方的感受。为了使夫妻关系更加亲密,婚姻生活顾问进一步建议:1、学习对配偶而非对别人吐露心事。2、每天或至少每周拨出一些特别时间,不让其它事分心,使你可以倾吐自己的感受和思想。3、彼此交谈一下日常发生的琐事。4、经常在小事上表示爱意——出其不意地赠送一些小礼物,做点对方所不喜欢做的杂务(非因受到请求而做),在午餐盒里留张示爱的字条或出乎意料地触摸或拥抱对方一下。

互相尊重 夫妻​间​的​互相​尊重,不​是​婚姻​的​奢侈品​而​是​必需品,没有尊重就不会有幸福的婚姻,你​自己​怎么​觉得 不​是​最​重要​的,关键​是对方​有​没​有​感受​到你​的​尊重,即使​我​们有时候觉得​​没有​不​尊重对方,但​如果​对方​觉得​我们​不​尊重​他,那么​需要​作​出​调整​的​就是​自己了。​双方都需要​尊重​对方的​观点​和​建议,也​要​顾及​另一方​的​感情。有​时候,虽然​不​理解对方​为什么会​有​这​种​感受,但​这​并​不​意味着​你可以​忽视对方的​感受,你这样做之后肯定会带来好的结果。确实,尊重很重要,它是建立美满和恒久婚姻的要诀之一。尊重的态度可以为婚姻带来满足感和安全感。这种态度绝对值得培养。

很多人,尤其是年轻人,总以为所有的感情问题都来源于两个人的“合适”与否,以为找到了那个“对的人”就可以一劳永逸地解决争吵。但其实,再合适的人,也需要在漫长岁月里彼此宽恕、互相理解、表达爱意方能缔造幸福持久的婚姻。不是别人比你幸运,能够遇到”对的人“,而是别人懂得,好的婚姻、,从来不是白白就能得到的。幸福的婚姻,显然不是一朝一夕的成果,但是,如果你甘愿付出时间精力,你也能够享有美满的婚姻,与另一半白头偕老。好的夫妻关系需要双方用心对待。

-未分類

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